Vito Ham
That’s not a metaphor; it’s just what happens when you work with induced pluripotent stem cells (iPSCs) and nanoplastics. One is a shape-shifting biological miracle that can, in theory, become almost any cell in the human body. The other is… well, tiny bits of plastic that have no business being inside living systems but absolutely insist on being everywhere.
On paper, it sounds impressive: a clean and elegant project description about a cutting‑edge, stem cell-derived, in vitro model and environmentally relevant contaminants, sprinkled with words like innovative,progressive, and high societal impact. In practice, on the other hand, … well, it often feels like I’m babysitting very moody cells while trying to prove that plastic bottles are a weapon of mass destruction.
The iPSCs, for instance, require constant emotional support. Too warm? They differentiate. Too cold? They die. Wrong coating? They revolt. Slightly wrong medium composition? Existential meltdown. I sometimes feel like I’m running a spa for extremely sensitive microscopic clients who leave one-star reviews in the form of spontaneous apoptosis. They want the perfect temperature, the perfect nutrients, the perfect timing. And even then, they might just decide they’re not feeling it today.
And then there are the nanoplastics. The whole premise of my research is that these tiny particles might be interacting with our cells in damaging ways. And so far, I’ve done one experiment with them, and it turned out completely backwards! Not ambiguous or mildly confusing. But absolutely, positively backwards. The kind of result that makes you stare at the data and think “Is this a discovery so novel and extravagant that it’s worthy of a Nobel prize, or is this the first step on the path to being ostracized by the scientific community?”
It’s like the three months of reviewing literature, optimizing protocols, and constructing experiments hours on end didn’t even matter. I’m still trying to understand where it went wrong, replaying every step in my head like a crime scene, with iPSCs and nanoplastics as the main suspects and me as the victim. Was it the concentration? The exposure time? The batch of cells? The particles themselves? So many variables to consider that my brain’s operating system crashes, and the only thing left is a single “Warning: Brain.exe has stopped working” pop-up.
I’m starting to believe that finding an answer might just be me being too optimistic. The frustration isn’t just technical, it’s existential. Science, at its core, is a constant negotiation with uncertainty. You design careful experiments, control everything you can, and still end up asking, “Is this real, or did I just invent a very elaborate way to confuse myself?” At some point, the line between insight and self‑deception feels thinner than a 10 µL pipette tip.
And yet, there’s something oddly compelling about it. Every now and then, between the failed differentiations and suspiciously inconsistent readings, you find that you might be on the right path. And, even for a moment, you feel the dopamine rush hit your brain, giving you a high you’d expect only from something from the black market. You’re on top of the world… until that world is being burned to ash by another failure.
I guess that’s the job: oscillating between existential crises (yes, plural) and cautious curiosity, fueled by caffeine and the vague belief that eventually, the confusion will resolve into clarity. Or at least into a publishable figure.
Until then, I’ll be in the lab, trying to convince stem cells to behave and plastic particles to reveal their secrets, while quietly wondering if I’d have better luck getting back with my ex.
“Above all, don’t fear difficult moments. The best comes from them.”
– Rita Levi-Montalcini
Vito Ham completed his Master’s degree in Molecular Biology and Physiology at the Biotechnical faculty, University of Ljubljana. Currently, he is pursuing a PhD at the Jožef Stefan International Postgraduate School, while also conducting research at the National Institute of Biology. As part of the NanoBreak project, his PhD focuses on how tiny plastic particles, called microplastics and nanoplastics, affect liver cells – hepatocytes. His interests also fall outside the scope of a sterile environment and into social, culinary, and virtual spheres. In his free time, he enjoys drinking coffee, spending time with loved ones, sports, cooking, watching series and films, and gaming.